4D3N chalet? - Admission Day

And the journey begins......

Well. This is my first time blogging on the phone, I'm here resting on my bed after a whole day of waiting. Waited for a whole 2 hours for my bed to be ready. 

And as usual, cried and teared several times again. Why am I so weak 😟

But one thing that pisses me off today is this (new?) doctor was suppose to draw my blood for some testing and he couldn't find my freaking veins. The thing is, he went ahead knowing he'll not succeed. It took him three tries for him to get the needle into the right position. 3 needles just for a small tube of blood. Wtf. 

Sometimes I really wonder what these doctors have been learning in medical school. If simple things like these they can't manage, how can we entrust our lives in their hands. 

Anyway, my surgeons came to visit me earlier on. They are really friendly and nice people. Altogether, I have 3 surgeons operating on me and 2 anaestatists by my side. Hope everything will go smoothly for me. Pray for me. 🙏

Dinner is served. Really bland and tasteless so I went down to get myself a better last meal. 

Fasting starts at 12mn later. No eating and drinking. ☝️

Not that strong afterall

If you asked me two days ago whether I was afraid/nervous for the surgery, I would give a firm answer of NO. I have to admit, it's slowly getting into me now, the fear of not being able to speak well, the fear of not being able to eat properly and the fear of the possible side effects.. I know it is not going to last long but I just can't help it, I over think way too much.

Today was a pretty fruitful day. I went for a lunch buffet, followed by a karaoke session and a bowling session. At night, I met my lovely girlfriends for dinner. 

Ever since last Thursday, I never spent a day not tearing/crying secretly. Initially I thought it was just my hormones being a bitch but I guess it really could be the surgery that is making me anxious. Just today, I broke down out of a sudden during the singing session. In my mind, I kept thinking when would be the next time I can start singing so crazily again. When can I ever speak properly again. 

Feeling pretty down because some people still do not appreciate or understand what I'm going through. It just makes this whole journey harder.. 

"Is this even necessary?"
Why don't you try to be me for just a day? hmm.

That aside, I'm not going to give up just yet because 1 year down the road, I wouldn't even look back on how sad I was today. I would just remember how happy I was with the results.. 

Good luck to those who will be going through the same journey as me. We're all brave warriors, fighting for ourselves. hehe.